i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
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