The maid of honor just puked.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
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Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize