I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
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Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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