my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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