I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize