To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
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I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
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Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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