Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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