It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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