i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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