Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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