i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
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Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
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He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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