So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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