dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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