Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
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I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
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Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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