his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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