If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize