The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
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He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
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I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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