I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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