oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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