Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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