No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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