Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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