I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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