I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize