You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
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