First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
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Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
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We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
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