I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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