I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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