They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
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He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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