is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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