Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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