I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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