I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
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So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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