i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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