I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
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I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
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I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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