WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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