There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize