Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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