By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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