Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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