I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize