I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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