I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
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It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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