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Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
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