she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize