a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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