Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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