In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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