my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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