My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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